Scoring Low Again

I have an endocrinology appointment on Thursday but I already know my test results. Last week I popped into a lab for my regular blood work, and since I created an online account with the hospital I can view all the results as soon as they come in. My basic metabolic panel was in the normal range, also the Free T4 test, but once again I flunked testosterone. For almost a year now this number has been low, often way too low.

Testosterone is the primary male hormone, and without it I have no energy, no natural drive or zeal. You cannot "will" yourself to do things (even mental things) when you are depleted of this hormone. The past few weeks have been very taxing, so maybe this explains why a test at this juncture measured so small. But I don't care about the reason, really. I just need to have a certain amount in my system at all times, like a normal man my age, in reserve, so I can tap into it when a concert requires more energy or when I want to stay up all night composing.

Oh, this is so frustrating. I know what some alternatives are, because I read about them last fall, the last time I failed this test. Daily shots in my stomach are one solution. Not crazy about that possibility, but maybe my endocrinologist will instead have me increase the dosage of the gel I smear on for now, or change brands.

It might be more difficult with me because this particular hormone is replaced completely. Some of my other hormones are like supplements; what I take "tops up" what my body doesn't make in sufficient quantities anymore. But with testosterone the artificial replacement starts from zero, because that's where my number would go in about a week without access to the treatment.

What's that song again? "What a man, what a man, what a man ..."

(Shrugs.) Oh well, I'll keep trying.